！ジムタイム！

ジムに行きます。

こんにちは～

今日ちょっと忙しかったです。

この朝はとても面白くて、ちょっとびっくりしました。

日本語の授業で新しい先生でした。

Hm, not really a "new teacher" but he was an instructor for half the class because he was being evaluated by other instructors for a position that is opening here at my university.

When I came into the classroom I was surprised.

ええ？先生はとてもまじめそうだね～

To most people in the class he looked like a typical 「サラリマン」。

He ended up being pretty good though and easy to follow. Of course the class was instructed all in Japanese. After he left 先生 went back to explaining the lesson.

正直には。。この文保はちょっとむずかしいと思います。

Because of this, I need to study it harder and prepare a good review for the next exam.

がんばりますね！

Also, I felt a little strange this morning. Hm, not intentionally. It suddenly just happened. Then I felt unfocused for a little until I could remember what I needed to do.

I felt so silly and looked really stupid at that moment too. 

In fact, the rest of the day I studied pretty well. 

昨晩ちょっと寝ました。午前６時にジムに行きました。

We stayed for about an hour and a half. I felt pretty good afterwards.

The side affects are being a little sleepy now. 

Mondays always feel very long and busy. This evening I went to class and spoke to Dongsangie about positive thoughts.

I said, if you can't imagine yourself doing it then it can't happen. So, what kind of things are you waiting for to happen.

This is where my optimism comes in. We listed things that we hoped would improve or just goals. For example: 

"I am going to finish outlining the chapters for the INR chapters tonight to prepare studying, my evening class is going to be interesting too."

One of the things she wanted to improve was her relationships. Though she didn't have a person in mind, I told her still to say "I see myself with someone that makes me happy, has a favorable schedule to mine and cares about me."

I also mentioned how I feel like people throw around the phrase "I care about you" or "I care for for you." It is easy to say and a lot harder to prove because it is an entirely unselfish act.

It might seem a little childish or silly but I don't think there is any harm in being positive like that.

Tonight..

Overall.

I want time to just slide by already and keep me preoccupied.

I lose frustrated and angry feelings so quickly but they melt into just indifference or sadness.

ちょっと難しいだね。

I have some wonderful things to look forward to this week.

I will do my best.

The weekend always go by way too quickly, you know?

I felt like it was just Friday night and now it is already Sunday evening.

Today I feel pretty good. 

Finished the article for my Uncle on Cat Hyperthyroidism and studied my new Kanji as well as vocabulary for Chapter sixteen. 

Today I have a couple thoughts on my mind:

 Need to go to the store

 International Contemporary Problems exam on Wednesday (need to study hard!)

 "Date" with Jacqueline on Thursday to discuss the camera with me

 Gym tomorrow (I slacked a little last week)

With that being said, my main priority is to get some of this stuff done.

I think I need to let my mind rest a little and get into the flow of school work again.

Socially speaking, there is an obvious tenseness that is bothering me. I don't want it to be like that. It's no secret. Everyone feels it, everyone knows.

That kind of thing will just take time for things to smooth out again.

It bums me because I feel lots of things from it. Uncomfortable around my friends, judged, slightly sad, confused, and sometimes frustrated. At the moment I feel like I can, to an extent, not make any "right" moves.

오늘밤은 어둠이 무서워요 / 10cm　

오늘밤은 혼자 있기가 무서워요
Tonight, I’m afraid of being alone.
창문을 여니 바람소리가 드세요
Please open the window and listen to the sound of the wind
사람들은 나를 보살펴 주지 않어
People don’t take care of me
잠들 때까지 날 떠나지 말아줘요
Please don’t leave me until I fall asleep.

꾸물거리는 저기 벌레를 잡아줘요
Catch that wriggling bug for me
잡은 휴지는 꼭꼭 구겨 창문 밖에 던져 버려줘
Make sure to crush the tissue you use and throw it outside the window, please
오늘의 나는 절대 결코 강하지 않어
Today I’m just not strong at all
그냥 오늘밤만 네게 안겨서
I just want to listen to the lullabies you sing for me
불러주는 자장 노래 들을래
While holding me in your arms just for tonight

오늘밤은 혼자 잠들기 무서워요
Tonight, I’m afraid of sleeping alone
저기 작은 방에 무언가 있는 거 같어
It seems like there’s something there in the small room
잠깐만요 나 원래 이런 사람 아냐
Just wait a minute. I’m not normally like this
잠들 때까지 집에 가지 말아줘요
Please don’t leave the house until I’ve fallen asleep

혹시 모르니 저기 대문을 잠가줘요
I’m not sure, please lock the front gate
들어 올 때는 불을 끄고 방문을 반쯤 열어줘
When you come back turn off the light and leave the door halfway open
오늘의 나는 절대 결코 강하지 않어
Today I’m just not strong at all
그냥 오늘밤만 네게 안길래
Just for tonight, I want you to hold me

혹시나 내가 못된 생각 널 갖기 위해 시꺼먼 마음
If for whatever reason, you suspect evil thoughts or a blackened heart in order to have you
의심이 된다면 저 의자에 나를 묶어도 좋아
It’s fine to tie me to that chair.
창밖을 봐요 비가 와요
Look out the window, it’s raining
지금 집에 가긴 틀렸어요
It’d be a bad idea to leave the house now
버스도 끊기고 여기까진 택시도 안와요
The buses have stopped and taxis don’t often come here

오늘밤은 혼자 있기가 무서워요
Tonight, I’m afraid of being alone
잠 들 때까지 머릿결을 만져줘요
Keep stroking my hair until I fall asleep
믿어줘요 나 원래 이런 사람 아냐
Please believe me. I’m not normally like this
그냥 오늘밤만 네게 안겨서
I just want to listen to the lullabies you sing for me
불러주는 자장 노래 들을래
While holding me in your arms just for tonight
제발 오늘밤만 가지 말아요
Please, only for tonight, don’t go.

こんにちは　（＾３＾）/

これは新しいブログレイアウトです。

どうですか。

昨晩めっちゃ疲れました。

This week has felt really long. Maybe the longest in a long time.

Maybe I used long too many times in the sentence above ne? 

I searched for a layout last night for a long time while listening to calming music.

I feel a little more optimistic now and focused.

It really does feel heavy carrying around feelings and thoughts inside your mind without the ability to speak them to someone.

I feel like some of the tenseness is draining away slowly...

For this, I am really happy. 

I just want to be happy. I want my friends and family to be happy as well.

Life is too short and precious to be aching so much.

Today I am trying my new hair piece again. I don't have makeup on though so I needed to hide my face! 

Yesterday went well. I feel relieved.

I got some work done and today I feel at ease. Although some original plans are changing, I still plan on making the most of the day.

 Ordered a new camera from my friend

 Study and review classwork

 Practice new Kanji and vocabulary

 Spend time with a friend..?

 Finish another article

 Put on a face mask and pleasure read

シンプルですね。

シンプルな女の人ですよ！

Please don't confuse that for simple minded! I mean simple things make me happy! 

Other thoughts...

Finally my secret santa gave me my gift! (It is almost Valentines Day and we are just doing this now..)

Sock Monkey!!! Really cute! You know, I also have sock monkey slippers and along with Mickey Mouse, monkeys are at the top of my list..

This monkey is particularly big though and takes up a lot of room in my dorm actually.

It works well as a pillow however, unlike the tiger stuffed animal I use to have on the bed with cardboard stuffed in its head. 

I am thankful for it. He said it isn't very cute, but, come on! Who can deny sock monkey? Only heartless people..

I also thanked my sister and friend Key because they definitely lent a hand in picking it out. They know me oh to well.

This week was startling busy and full of thoughts. I hope everyone has their moment to really smile and be happy this weekend. Laugh a lot and sleep peaceful without worrying.

こんにちは～

Today went pretty well.

I have the habit of thinking a lot. In this respect, I always wondered, if you are thinking about someone really hard do they know you are thinking of them 

Sometimes I think that. I will go to dial my sister or dad's number and then they will suddenly being calling me too!

Maybe it's not true, but that kind of thing has happened a lot to me before.

Today was my free day. I focused a lot of my energy into studying. Even though it is late now and I still have some questions to finish, I feel pretty productive.

Lately it has been a little difficult for me to focus completely.

I am slowly getting better though.

がんばりますね！

正午ピアちゃんに会いました。ドンキン先生に行って、たくさん気持ちについてとを話しました。

It was really pleasant! She gave me good advice and we spoke about the main things going on in our lives.

She seems like she is doing really good and I was happy to hear that.

She finally got to read my Christmas card too! 

Afterwards I began studying for a couple hours. I sat with some friends in the cafe and just tried to focus my attention until they got out of class.

Right now I am reading about the American occupation in Japan mostly. It is really interesting but a bit of a review for me. Each time I do the reading I learn again about famous and interesting Japanese figures. 

At around 18:30 some of my friends and I went to this delicious Korean restaurant.

The food was really amazing! Honestly, I am so so full. 

おいしそうね～！

The last dish was my main meal. The other two are yummy appetizers that we all shared.

During dinner we all talked a little bit. It was overall really nice though.

When I got back I ran into Dongsaengie and we ended up sticking together to do some laundry.

We watched ガキのツカイ in the meantime which is always so funny! 

It is late here..please don't judge me too hard *laugh*

今日。。会いたいですよ。

私に会ってください。

I also thought that I want to begin praying more often again. I know this note is a little more personal but I don't feel embarrassed mentioning it.

In fact, just like when I skip the gym, when I skip praying I feel a little guilty. It is really healthy for the mind.

There are so many things I am happy for, thankful for, and many little wishes I have to say to friends as well as family.

Does it really work? I think so..

It is also a way to reach people indirectly with positive energy.

Some of my friends really need that right now.

今日がんばりますね！

Today I will try my best! 

こんにちは。

最近私の気持ちはちょっと難しいです。

よく「どうしようかな」と言っていました。

I feel too dependent on just waiting.

もっと勉強を集中しなくちゃいけません。

ほんとうに。月曜日彼とたくさん話したので、休みました。

I said many things. 気持ちについて話していました。

今、難しい状況になりました。

ちょっと冷たい人です。

とても苦しいです。。

So cold and warm at the same time.

あなたがそばにいるだけで、私は幸せです。そして緊張しています。

ほんとうです。

何を感じていますか。

幸せになりたいです。でも、難しすぎます。

I will just wait and see.

Now, always like when it grows late, it's difficult to stop thinking however.

今ほんとうに悲しい。

どうして。どうして。どうして。

I haven't felt like this in awhile.

話したい。

忘れたい。

ばかですよ。

ほんとうにばかです。

おはようございます～☆

５時３０半です。

ちょっと早いね。

Yesterday I didn't sleep. My schedule is already a little strange even though it is only the third week of classes..

It is just strange because I don't have classes on Tuesday or Thursday now so I always know I can rest a little on those days.

I had a pretty productive weekend then.

 Donated blood on Friday & went out to a Japanese buffet with friends

 Began the articles for my uncle and sent a proper email to him

 Spoke again with the manager of the store

 Began my second Murakami book 「コインロッカー・ベイビーズ」

 Studied for my Kanji quiz

 Finished other homework and reading

 Spoke and straightened things out with my mom

 Helped my sister with her Japanese studies

Even though I am tired, I feel like I have been pretty productive. (More or less ne?)

I still have a lot of stuff to do and need to manage my time better.

Today I will have to stay focused and really try my best. I have four classes today and possibly a meeting with a friend to talk a little.

I need to increase my energy level..!!



So..gym at 6:00 till about 7.00. Then, come back, shower, eat and head off to my first class at 9.00.

がんばりますね！